He knew about it and after a few chat exchanges, I shared a bit of my awe and wonder at space: how we are on a ball of dirt cruising through the universe. I told him how the immensity of space and reality really puts life and its problems into perspective.
At this he must have found our conversation a bit out of the ordinary for a work conversation while dusting ledges with pink micro-fiber cloths because in response he asked me, "what did you do before you came here?"
"I was a pastor," I replied realizing my answer was a significant dearth of info to provide with any hope of him understanding who I am and why I was there. He wondered why I wasn't pastoring anymore and I told him that my beliefs changed and that I no longer held all the things I was supposed to in my position. He got it.
His next reply intrigued me. He said that he grew up going to church and "believes it all" but he doesn't think about it too much because some things might unravel.
I said that it is scary to many people. "Yep, to me", he said. He just doesn't think about it or ask too deep of questions because if left alone it will keep standing. There's some wisdom there I suppose.
It occurred to me that before this year, if I was in the same situation I would have seen our interaction as an opportunity that I needed to try to take to teach him about Jesus or get him saved. It struck me as weird today as I thought: this guy believes more than I do.
What I did enjoy about the conversation is the lack of pressure, the freedom to share, and to truly listen. I don't think either of us felt judged.
For me, the light of certainty has been eclipsed by doubt and questions, new understandings.
But then again, people dish out money to buy special glasses and will drive hundreds of miles in frustrating traffic to see light obfuscated for two minutes. Lack of light can be mesmerizing.
“He just doesn't think about it or ask too deep of questions because if left alone it will keep standing.” This describes me very well...until recently. My appetite to learn has grown into this voracious thing, yet I wonder if it will eventually level back out to something that looks more like peace in not knowing the answers. Perhaps that is faith?
ReplyDeleteGod give me the serenity to know (and explore) the things I can know, to accept the things I can't know and the wisdom to know the difference.
ReplyDeleteI have often wished I was more like people with which certainty came easily. Or those that had the ability to "not question" and "not ponder". There has not been a lot of room at the table within "my" circles of evangelical christianity for those like myself, who ponder, and question, and poke and prod.
ReplyDelete