"Things are changing..." Journal Excerpt from January 2017

In January 2017, I sensed something was up and I opened a word document to serve as a journal. I have a paper journal but I can't get my thoughts out as fast with a pen as I can typing.  Below is an excerpt with editorial comments in parentheses.

1/4/217

Things are changing…a lot.

I got my new Merrell hiking shoes on today…and I’m sitting in my office reading for hours on end.   My step count won’t be especially high, but I covered a decent swath of territory. At least, I know I moved.

Figuring goals for 2017 for our church some weeks ago…all I could come up with is, “go somewhere new”.

I think Jan 2018 will look much different than Jan 2017.  I’m not sure what but I feel like things are stirring and inertia will be overcome.

I have been reading Peter Enns, finished two books in as many weeks. Both deal with the Bible. He touches on the topic of the Canaanite genocide. I wrestled with this some after hearing Christopher Hitchens and Dawkins attack the faith here. I found a book that gave me some relief: “Is God a Moral Monster” by Paul Copan. I specifically remember dismissing Enn’s take on the topic in an article of his I read while researching the challenge (several years ago). He basically said, God didn’t tell them to do that, Israelites wrote that that is what God told them to do.  Wait…what?  That pierces right into the heart of everything I’d been taught about inspiration etc.   Rather, I settled for Copan’s explanation: They were really bad, It wasn’t fully carried out, God is allowed to judge. I remember bristling at Enn’s article (years ago).  I just sat and read over a hundred pages of Enns making a similar argument and talking about sundry scriptures…and I didn’t bristle once.

It actually makes sense. Human authors.  Now that leaves me not sure about a passage that says, no prophecy of Scripture came about by the authors own hand but they were moved by God.

I also read “The Bible Made Impossible” by Christian Smith and have come to the conclusion…Clarity on every issue is not a priority for God to give us.  It puts all the debates and angst into perspective…I don’t know and I’m okay with that. I’m not so worried about the women in ministry issue, I will even have to think some marriage and divorce issues too…God could have given us a detailed rule book but He didn’t .  I am starting to see that we have made too much of the Bible, brought to it inappropriate expectations and used it to our own benefit.

One of my goals as a preacher was to preach through every text.  In other words, bring my craft and show that I have the ability to make any passage make sense and apply it. Plus, this task precluded me from the possibility of being a preacher with a Hobby Horse.  Yet if I am honest, there were some awkward sermons in Exodus and times when I wondered, is this really what’s best for my flock or does it just keep me interested and suit my ego. After all, every Scripture is God breathed and Useful. 

Now, I think I give up on that project…at least for now.  I have doubts that every verse and chapter has a little lesson or application.  I feel unsure of even what to do with the Bible.

I am going to look in the discipline and see if I still ascribe to the Articles of Religion.  How do I know if  I do?

I am not even sure where I am at.  At what point has one fully embraced a change of belief? It’s just been an odd day reading things that I’ve heard before and fearfully rejected but instead to find that they make a lot of sense and in fact, I think I agree with much of it.

So as you can see things were already shifting.

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