New Developments

It's been about a month since my last blog entry and I wanted to bring you up to speed.

I crossed several things off of my honey-do list:

• window and molding replaced
• driveway sealed
• ramp deck restained
• bathroom molding repainted after my kids had peeled the nice brown to reveal sea-green under-paint.
• oil changed in both vehicles

I felt validated as a human being after accomplishing these things...it's good to work with my hands and make visible progress on something.  I enjoyed feeling more invested in my home and of course my wife appreciated it too. 

I read the following books in the last month or so:

"A Universe From Nothing" by Lawrence Krauss

"Trusting Doubt: A Former Evangelical Looks at Old Beliefs in a New Light" by Valerie Tarico

I am still working on: 

"The History of God" by Karen Armstrong and 

"Greatest Show on Earth" by Richard Dawkins

As I was reading Tarico's book, it made me realize that I don't believe in God.  I want to write "I don't think I believe in God anymore," to soften it. It hits me weird because it just seems to make sense to me and overall I am okay with it. But then I know how painfully this will hit many who love and care about me. I want to say, "don't worry, I'm going to be okay," but, for some the sense of tragedy is inescapable. That pains me. 

I've listened to several debates on youtube: good ol' William Lane Craig, Hitchens, Harris, Ehrman to see if theistic arguments land convincingly.  I still wrestle with the Resurrection of Jesus. I am finding that a secular world view has more explanatory power than I ever gave it credit for. It is amazing how free I feel and how less angst I feel. Much of the contradiction or tension of faith is lifted: Do I have my doctrine straight? Am I trying too hard, not hard enough, doing enough, trusting enough and not doing too much? Every week a pastor is telling you that something isn't right, your missing something, you're short on something.  In preaching it was called the fallen condition focus.  That's actually part of the blue print of a sermon. 

So I come to the recognition of my beliefs or lack thereof reluctantly and I am not eager to define myself by what I don't believe.  I want to explore it for myself but not make it my mission to revolt against faith and try to attack the faith of others. The important thing that I see in the lives of those who I find most compelling is the way they live for love.  I hope that is what I learn increasingly to be about. I think of Richard Rohr, Marcus Borg, etc. They aren't traditional theists but they are a far cry from the likes of Dawkins. 

So that's my update for now. I am looking forward to the Liturgist Gathering in Boston this coming weekend!  The episode they are doing live is on "God our Mother."  Doesn't do a whole lot for me but I think the weekend overall will be enriching.