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Even a Puma Changes Habitats Sometimes


Image result for puma covered in snowI think I need some space.  I'm still living in a predominately conservative Christian world. I'm not sure how long I can continue.


I've been going to church on Sundays with the family. We attend City Alliance in Williamsport and it's an awesome church, one I wish I could have attended earlier in life. The pastor and people are pretty great. I enjoy the before and after service interactions and conversations but the service itself is awkward for me.

I also attend a Monday night small group which has a Bible study/discussion component.

And I go to Celebrate Recovery on Friday nights which has a "worship" singing time and all kinds of "I'll pray for that", "in my devotions this morning...", "I am amazed God could save a wretch like me".

I really miss the Liturgist gathering where I was in a room full of fellow post/non-evangelicals.

By my wiring, I have a high tolerance for blending in and keeping my preferences and distinctions in the background. I'm not quick to high tail it just because a habitat isn't perfect. I'm more like a puma than a tortoise. I can take the heat, the cold, high elevation, low, moist, dry, I can make it work.

I can do it but life is too damn short and I am realizing I have limits.  It's time for something like a habitat change. Towards that end,


  1. I have reached out to a college friend who is much further ahead on this journey out from Christianity.
  2. Decided that I am going to go to our church 2x a month.  The third sunday I want to check out the Episcopal church and the fourth (and fifth) I want to go for a hike in the woods. 
  3. I am going to check out the Lycoming County Progressives group in Williamport, Pa.
I think the blending in has been weighing on me. It's tiring.  I really long for those people and spaces where I know I am valued and accepted where I am at.  
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  1. WarriorFebruary 13, 2018 at 11:39 AM

    I very much have felt, feel, and I'm guessing will continue to feel like this, lol. I still attend (not sure that word is true, depending on how often I have to attend to be able to say attend :) the church I was hired into back in 2007. We are in a small group...sometimes, but I clearly know, understand, accept where I am at and no longer feel the need to change the others in my group, or even force them into the deconstruction process that I have gone thru. Somehow, I have found a place where I can connect on a deeper level with them because I am okay that they don't believe some of the same things as them. However, I would guess that they wouldn't be able to guess my deeper questions/thoughts, i.e. "I am not sure there is a God, and I'm okay with that" "I'm not sure Jesus -fill in the blank-, and I'm okay with that."
    I have found this role as one who calls people to think deeply, move people back toward love, redemption, recovery, forgiveness, etc. However, because of my beliefs, I can't and won't do it in a formal leadership role.
    At times I hated this place that I found myself, on the edge of the outside of the circle, but it is growing on me lol.

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