The Second Side Effect of Doubt

In my previous post, I described a side effect of doubt I've been experiencing: the lack of feeling and knowing that God loves me.

Here's the second and in some ways it's a corollary:

  I am struggling to find or feel a sense of purpose. 

When my faith was intact I had a well constructed belief system that clarified and emphasized the purpose of life. There is the Westminster confession of faith that says the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. The whole point of life is to live for God instead of yourself.  You trust God's gift of salvation, you devote yourself to telling people about Jesus so they can know the goodness of God and you strive to show the love of God to others. 

It's not always easy, Christians devote much ink and breath trying to remind themselves to align their lives with their mandated purpose. 

No wonder Rick Warren's book Purpose Driven Life was a smash hit!  People are hungering for this sense of purpose and He laid one out clearly. 

Much of the rest of the world has to invent their own wheel when it comes to purpose.  For many, I suspect purpose must be painstakingly explored, experimented with, and created.  I am behind in that endeavor because for most of my life I already knew what my purpose was.  

But know I find my self asking: What endures? What lasts? What matters? "Nothing," says the book of Ecclesiastes...it's all meaningless. 

Until just recently, my sense of purpose rested largely on the belief in an afterlife. Live by faith for God now and enjoy bliss forever more.  It makes this current life meaningful not in itself but because of how it will impact eternity. Christians have the phrase (and it motivated me strongly) live in light of eternity.

But as I face the prospect that this may be all I have, it makes each day rare, each conversation, smile, and breath becomes precious.  I have so much room to grow in being able to be present in the moment.  

I have seen many people who don't believe in an afterlife come to terms with this and found purpose in their life and many of them have what seems to me a greater appreciation for this life. 

I am determined to reconstruct a sense of purpose. I think love will be a key ingredient, justice too.  I think Christianity and most other religions are right that attaining wealth, status, ego satisfaction fail as life purposes.  

My working purpose is: where once I lived to go to heaven, I now want my life to help my neighbors feel less like hell. It's a work in need of much progress.

While I am rebuilding a sense of purpose for my life, I am grateful that I am not starting

from scratch.